We often get so carried away with life that we forget that the person opposite to you is also a human being.
Yes, they have hurt you in ways you didn’t imagine, made you question your abilities, made you lose faith in things you once believed or have even made you feel life isn’t worth living.
I know it hurts, and I am not here supporting them or speaking on behalf of them to let them off the hook.
All that I am saying is, their actions were unacceptable but their point of view (most of the time unspoken off) is worth listening to and understanding.
WHY???? Because it is causing you more harm than you know.
All that holding back, bottled up, anger, thoughts etc., is killing you slowly, draining that energy out of you leving you exhausted by the end of the day.
But why am I talking about these things all of a sudden????
People close to me know how deep my faith in Universal laws and energy goes.And I feel I have been fortunate to understand the lessons the universe is trying to teach me or in other ways help me grow and progress in life.
This post is a result of a recent lesson or a BIGGEST REALIZATION I had.
Here’s a bit of back story – Every person I met intrigued a question in me – What is this person’s story? Why is this person doing this? What made them do it? Or something similar. These questions helped me look at them from a different perspective and of course saved me a lot of mental stress.
But like everyone else, I am only human – and I would forget about this perspective at times (especially if it hit really close) and act out.
This is where I was stuck for a long time, a lot of people tried explaining it to me, similar patterns occured in life teaching the same lesson and I hadn’t changed until recently.
I slowly realised (took me a year to embrace it though!) the fact that – the person’s behavior was not because of what had happened in recent times but due to their experiences in the past or the thought of their future or simply because of something that’s bothering them at the moment.
You might be wondering – I know it already, what’s new about it?
Well, you are right – there’s nothing new this.
Because this has been one of the universal truths, which I am sure has been spoken very few times in history since we all assume we know it.
But like most things, if something is not said out loud often we tend to FORGET.
Let’s me explain with a few hypothetical situations –
A person might ghost you – not because they hate you something, but may be because they feel they don’t deserve you.
Your collegue at office may be sabotaging you at work – because they feel insecure and fear you might take away their job.
A guy/girl might play hot/cold with you often – being too available at times and then acting like you dont exist the next minute. May be they are scared of commitment, they haven’t experienced a healthy relationship or believe in one.
Parents might refrain from sending their kids to another city to study – not because they hate them but because they are scared. (they could be partial among siblings, there’s that as well – but that’s a story for another day)
A random cab guy might shout at for closing the door too hard – not because you slammed the door too hard but could be because he had a shitty day earlier.
A closed one can go all cold – not because of a disagreement but because they felt they hurt you.
Or a person at your work place or in family might give you hard time always – not out of hate for you but because you remind them of something, maybe their loopholes, their mistakes, things that they didn’t achieve or get because they were too scared to go for it.
I am gonna say it again – Yes, their actions are not valid but their feelings or perspectives are.
Here’s something that worked lately for me,
Everytime I am stuck in a situation like this, I try not to react at the moment.
I take some time and reflect on things and let things cool off.
Then try and have a conversation with the other person, (not to speak or discuss)a chance to listen to their perspective.
When you do this they can lie or manipulate you or talk about irrelevant things – but eventually truth does comes out if you can read between lines.
(I have heard booze helps people talk whats on their mind without filters or holding back, so try buying them a drink)
Here’s what is gonna happen – you will realise
It’s not because of what you said.
It’s not because of what you did.
It’s not because they hate you.
It’s not your fault, or their fault.
Our experiences have made us who we are today
Lessons we learnt or choose not to learn have brought us this far.
People are basically good, trying to survive (often forgetting that the person next to you is also doing the same) – not realising that we becomes heroes or villians in others life becuase of our actions and intentions.
I am not gonna say forgive them, hell I haven’t been able to do it with few people.
But forgive them becuase you deserve to be at peace.
Take action and let the rest unfold itself.
If you have hurt someone, let them know you are sorry not just with words but with changed behaviour.
If there is a misunderstanding, try to communicate where you talk as well as listen to the other side.
If you didn’t get that job you worked so hard for, don’t blame it on the recruiter or the cab guy who was late. Prepare for it, ace it in your next time.
Don’t sit with all those emotions bottled up darling.
Life is too short to spend it this way………
Let go and move on, there are amazing things in front of you (if you look around) to be grateful for.
With this, I rest my case and look forward to learning the next lesson universe has to offer.
Hope this helped you in some way.
Peace